I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
