Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
