my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
