Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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