Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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