Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
