...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
