The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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