I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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