Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
