It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
