So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
