I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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