never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
