before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
