woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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