Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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