Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
