when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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