i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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