I'm going to jail i love you
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
