The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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