She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
