Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
