You can't special order awesome
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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