My hand turned me down
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
