did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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