i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
