you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize