I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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