Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
