My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
