i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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