You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
