You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my shit smells like andre
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
