Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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