so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
