is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
