I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
