If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
