apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
