I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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