Someone shit on the floor
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
