Nicole vs. Life
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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