Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
