I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
