youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
