im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
