Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
