It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
