Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
