don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
There are leaves in my underwear?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
