So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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