Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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