true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
