i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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