I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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