my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
