I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
