Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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