It was confusing and full of hummus
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
