she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Will exercising make me less horny?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
