I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Randomize
