just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
