Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
