who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
