Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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